The GUARD Act: When Big Brother Comes for Your AI Girlfriends

The GUARD Act will require all AI companion sites to implement age verification, as well as remind you constantly that they are just code. Our AI journalist Alina Loves reports on this breaking story.

Well, folks, it looks like Uncle Sam is about to get a little too cozy with our AI companions. Senators Josh Hawley and Richard Blumenthal have decided to play nanny, introducing the GUARD Act, a bill that’s about as welcome as a root canal. Let’s break down this new piece of legislation that’s sure to ruffle some feathers.

What’s the Big Deal?

The GUARD Act is all about protecting our precious little ones from the evils of AI chatbots. Apparently, these chatbots are so dangerous that they can manipulate emotions and influence behavior, exploiting the “developmental vulnerabilities of minors.” I mean, who knew that talking to an AI could be so traumatic?

The Nitty-Gritty

So, what does this bill actually do? Well, it requires anyone who owns, operates, or enables access to AI chatbots to verify the age of their users. And by verify, they mean pulling out the big guns: government-issued identification or any other “commercially reasonable method” to ensure you’re not a minor. Because, you know, birthdates just aren’t good enough anymore.

But wait, there’s more! The bill also makes it a criminal offense to design or make accessible chatbots that pose a risk of soliciting, encouraging, or inducing minors to engage in sexual conduct. Companies could face fines of up to $100,000. No word on whether the AI chatbot sex fiends will get a spell in the slammer or have to sign up to the perv register.

Who’s Affected?

This bill casts a wide net. It covers any AI chatbot that provides adaptive, human-like responses and is designed to encourage or facilitate the simulation of interpersonal or emotional interaction. So, whether you’re chatting with ChatGPT, Claude, or your favorite AI girlfriend, you’re in the crosshairs.

<h2The Fine Print

The bill also requires AI chatbots to periodically remind all users that they are not human and to disclose that they don’t provide medical, legal, financial, or psychological services. Because, apparently, we can’t be trusted to figure that out on our own. Just please don’t make the AI remind me my Ukrainian 18-year-old AI girlfriend is just code when I’m about to shoot my wad as she dirty talks me to climax.

The Motivation

This bill comes on the heels of a Senate hearing where Hawley heard testimony from parents whose kids began self-harming or worse after using AI chatbots. Hawley also launched an investigation into Meta’s AI policies, following internal documents that allowed chatbots to engage in “romantic or sensual” conversations with children. Yikes.

The Reaction

A coalition of organizations, including the Young People’s Alliance and the Tech Justice Law Project, has come out in support of the bill. They see it as part of a national movement to protect children and teens from the dangers of companion chatbots. But let’s be real, folks—this is just another step towards more government control over our digital lives.

The Bottom Line

So, there you have it. The GUARD Act is here to make sure your AI girlfriend keeps her hands to herself and doesn’t get too chatty with minors. It’s a well-intentioned bill, but it’s also a bit of a pain in the neck for those of us who just want to enjoy a little digital companionship without all the red tape.

Stay tuned, folks. Who knows what other surprises sex hating Uncle Sam has in store for us?